I think that one of the most mature and enlightening conversations you can have with your spouse or significant other is the one in which you tell him or her clearly how to love you.
You see, we go through life making assumptions, holding on to unfair expectations, and drawing dangerous conclusions. Few things destroy a relationship faster than that mindset.
We misunderstand silence, go crazy over text messages, fret over distance, get angry over who should take out the garbage, cry for no good reason… and usually it’s because we wrongly assume that these people are deliberately trying to hurt us.
We bring our past relationships into the present and inadvertently punish our current person for what the previous one did because we honestly believe that because “so and so” hurt us, all men or all women are the same.
We believe that movies and novelas tell the truth so all women have to love flowers, tend eat ice cream when they’re sad and always act crazy if their man doesn’t come up with the perfect Valentine’s Day gift.
We believe that all men have a naturally wandering eye, love to belch and fart out loud, and want you to wear red lipstick and high heels all the time.
This way of thinking is destructive and it robs our relationships of their authenticity because we are so obsessed with being like everybody else, that we miss out on the freedom of doing our own thing.
So sit with your person, open up your heart, and let him or her know how you need to be loved. Remember that everybody is different and that a person can love you deeply and still have no clue what to say, what to get you, or how to touch you.
I can assure you that he or she will be grateful the guessing game is over.