Ocho (8) Estrategias Efectivas para Resolver Conflictos con tu Pareja

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1. Mantén la privacidad. Discutir con tu pareja frente a los niños es abuso infantil. Esto le causa heridas emocionales y espirituales que son difíciles de sanar.
2. Sé relevante. Es totalmente injusto desenterrar las cosas del pasado para incluirlas en la discusión presente.
3. Evita ataques personales. Ataca el problema, no a la persona. Los insultos personales son señal de que te quedaste sin argumentos.
4. Elimina de tu vocabulario expresiones como “tú nunca” y “tú siempre”. Los extremos y las exageraciones son mentiras.
5. Pide aclaración. Si no estás segura de lo que quiso decir, no trates de leer su mente. Pregúntale.
6. Regula tu intensidad. Nunca es buena idea tratar de matar una mosca con un cañón. No desperdicies energía en situaciones sencillas de resolver.
7. Sé honesta. Si estás molesta, acéptalo. Cuando reconoces tus sentimientos reales podrás buscar soluciones para las situaciones que provocaron esos sentimientos.
8. Aléjate con dignidad. La forma en que termina una discusión es muy importante. Asegúrate de que tanto tú como tu pareja puedan retirarse con la autoestima intacta.

{:}{:en}Most of us take the time to plan the details involved in the wedding celebration, honeymoon, home decoration, and the financial future of the family. But very few figure out beforehand how to deal with the day to day inevitable misunderstanding and disagreements. I guess we erroneously believe that this is just not something you need to prepare for, and so most of us prefer to go with the spur of the moment. Be aware that when emotions are sensitive, the heart is racing, and voices are being raised, blurting out whatever pops into your head can take you down the road to resentment. Few things ruin a perfectly good relationship faster than holding a grudge.

Although it might be true that spontaneity is the key to keeping a marriage fresh, if you neglect to stay focused during a disagreement you could end up saying things you didn’t know you felt. This could cause your spouse to stop trusting you or to lose respect for you. It has been said that when you fail to plan you plan to fail, so here are a few suggestions on how to avoid fighting dirty next time you disagree with your husband:

• Stay relevant. Don’t go digging for things buried in the past to be able to state your present case. The happenings of the past need to be dealt with and left there. A woman whose husband had an affair decided to forgive him, but for years after that she would bring up his past betrayal whether they were disagreeing on finances or driving. The husband got tired of being forced to feel guilty and finally left her for good.
• Avoid personal attacks. Condemn the problem, not the person. Personal insults are a sign that you have a weak case. Name-calling is not only disrespectful it’s hurtful. A former co-worker told me of her husband’s insensitive habit of calling her “stupid”. One day she shot back “and you’re even more stupid because you married a stupid woman!” Apparently it worked. He never called her stupid again.
• Steer clear of “you always” and “you never”. Extremes and exaggerations are lies. Avoid using this type of phrases in your arguments.
• Respect your right to privacy. Arguing in front of your kids is classified as child abuse. Arguing in front of others (even if it’s family and friends) is uncomfortable and unfair for all involved. It’s extremely selfish to drag every innocent bystander into your squabble and deliberately giving your neighbors something to gossip about is foolhardy.
• Request clarification. If you’re not sure about what he meant, don’t try to read his mind, ask him! I remember once staying up all night trying to analyze what a boyfriend had meant by saying “good-bye” after a discussion. I felt he should have said “see you tomorrow”. The following day I realized I had wasted precious time worrying over nothing.
• Gauge your intensity. Trying to kill a fly with a canon ball is recipe for disaster. In the same way, don’t waste energy flaring up over nonsense. If you want the toilet seat down, then put it down. Pick your battles.
• Own it. If you’re upset, admit it. Putting on a mask is like putting a band-aid on a dirty wound; it will get infected.
• Walk away with dignity. Make sure both of you are able to leave the disagreement with your self-esteem intact. Fighting to the point of exhaustion and depletion makes no sense if you’re planning to stay in that relationship.

Misunderstandings are an inevitable fact of life. You owe it to yourself and your partner to disagree as respectfully as possible. If you would stay focused on what’s truly important you’d realize that a lot of issues fade in the face of what truly matters.{:}